Why I'm Leaving Mormonism
Introduction
If you're reading this its because you want to understand why I'm leaving the fold. A lot of what I'm going to say in this document is considered heresy by the Mormon church. Having said that, if you really really want to know, keep reading. Otherwise if you're comfortable being a Mormon, and have no issues or confusions whatsoever with Church history or doctrine, maybe you should not read anymore. It might make you start questioning many things you think you know about your faith.
Understand that I write this from my heart and I have no intention of offending anyone, especially many of the Mormon friends I have made in the last few years. Even if I decide to never set foot in a Mormon Church again the rest of my life, that does not make me a person that dislikes Mormons. I love the friends I've made, and will always be friendly towards Mormons. They are some of the nicest and kindest people I've ever met in this world. Understand that I have not "lost" my testimony. I'm not leaving the Church because I'm a bad person, or committed some sin, or somebody offended me.
On Feelings
How often do you hear in church "I know the church is true" or "I know Joseph Smith was a prophet" etc etc ? Why do Mormons believe in their faith and Church so strongly ? The missionaries teach that you pray to know the truth, and you receive a burning in your bosom. I myself received this same feeling when I first read the Book of Mormon (henceforth to be referred to as BoM in this document). I too once thought that I knew the Church was true. I wanted to believe in an eternal life, and a family forever, and all the other wonderful stuff that Mormonism packages so well. It presents you all the answers to life. In Mormonism there is no need to question anything, you just know. I submit to you the reader that this is a false and incorrect way to know anything. Knowledge is not gained by faith or a warm fuzzy feeling. As Plato once said, true knowledge is a subset of that which is both true and believed.
In the Church, we really don't know, we believe. Those are two very different things. What should be said in fast and testimony meeting is "We believe the church is true" but you never hear that. Where does this word know come from ? I personally believe this is from the indoctrination that members of the Church have been subjected to since they were first members, or since they were raised in the church as impressionable children. I remember from a very young age being surrounded at church by people who know. When it is repeatedly drilled into your head eventually you're going to come around to that way of thinking, it is a technique used in many cultures and religions to influence a persons thinking. Call it brainwashing if you will, or maybe you would rather call it Sunday School instead ? Or Seminary, or any other number of things that have been a part of my life from the Church and have influenced my thinking. As little children we don't really have a testimony right ? We are leaning on the testimonies of others around us. Eventually we are supposed to gain our own, but what if your perception of gaining your own testimony is really just the result of this indoctrination ?
And what about that burning in the bosom ? This is supposed to be the manifestation of the Holy Ghost testifying to you. Mormons are the only true church on the Earth right ? That means that the Holy Ghost will only manifest to people when they ask about joining our Church right ? What about all the other countless religions in the world full of members who will stand before you and testify of the truth of their religion with tear streaked faces who think they know and will tell you about their identical "burning in the bosom" feeling. Can you dismiss them ? Is Satan giving them this feeling ? Or is it, as the Church refers to it, The Light Of Christ. Nice that, an excuse to trivialize the feelings of others. Its just the Light of Christ. Can you measure it ? How do you know the difference ? Is it because you were dunked in water ? I submit to the reader, that this is your own mind, creating these wonderful feelings to confirm your already preexisting bias. I can feel the Holy Ghost when I see the last scene of The Matrix, or the scene from Lord Of The Rings when the King is reunited with his Elvish lover. It feels the same.
Still with me ? If you've read this far thats great. A lot of what I've said so far is opinion and speculation. After this I will present some facts for the reader to examine.
Conflict of the Mind
When a persons brain is presented with truth or fact that contradicts their beliefs strange things start happening. Many describe this experience as cognitive dissonance. Its really really hard to believe Joseph Smith was a prophet when presented with a mountain of evidence contrary to that belief. This is what happened to me. I found truth and it warred in my brain with my beliefs. Finally I had to accept these truths in order to come to a true knowledge. Others may come to a different conclusion, and thats fine, my intention is not to persuade, but to help you understand my experience.
The Book of Abraham
My journey to apostasy started when I inadvertently watched a documentary about the Book Of Abraham (henceforth to be referred to as BoA in this document). I saw it on an online documentary website, and thought it sounded cool. After all, the Book Of Abraham is a very important piece of Mormon scripture.
You can watch it here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcyzkd_m6KE.
And there is a great essay here http://www.irr.org/mit/Books/BHOH/bhoh1.html
Wikipedia entry here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Book_of_Abraham
If you are afraid to watch it, or dismiss it outright, thats too bad. If Mormonism is true, then shouldn't it stand up to criticism ? Overcoming criticism should give you even more faith. Being objective is probably one of the hardest things for a Mormon, speaking from personal experience. After all, we know everything already right ?
After watching this movie, which basically made Joseph Smith look like a fraud, my brain was a bit shocked. This film presented the evidence in a very unbiased neutral way as any scientific documentary should. It didn't feel anti-Mormon to me at all.
Of course I immediately thought this was the intention, those anti-Mormons must have just pulled off a great piece of propaganda and fooled even me! This didn't stop the nagging sensation in my brain though. So I went to Google. Oh my ! Just Google Mormonism sometime and get a big shock. I've never tried it before. SO MUCH INFORMATION.
Naturally there are tons of anti-Mormon things on the internet, but you can't dismiss all of it. There is a lot that is not anti at all and very well presented. Truth is truth. I found even more evidence of the BoA being a fraud, and that the Church managed to get the original scrolls and had their own independent studies done on them with the same conclusions. It was a book of breathing for some dead Egyptian dude named Hor. The Church did its best to spin this after the results came out during the late 1960's. For the most part they did a decent job of damage control, but mostly they just tried to ignore the evidence. Too bad the internet didn't exist back then.
Excuses are like faces.....
Enter the apologists. Those people who are usually members of the Church and already have their conclusion formed before even presenting their case (not very scientific). Trust me I've read a lot of apologist essays and writings over the last several months, and none of it persuaded me. Speculation, opinion, and grasping at straws is what it all looked like to me. I'm sure it works to persuade some faltering members as it was intended to.
Here are a couple of the places I went to get the Church's response to almost any criticism :
http://fairlds.org/
http://farms.byu.edu/
They try, they really do, but I'm only getting started. There is more, a lot more. I found all kinds of things.
The First Vision
Did you know that the First Vision really had many different versions?
http://www.irr.org/mit/First-Vision-Accounts.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Vision
Thats only one link, I found a lot more and whats really damaging is the references are pulled from official Church publications and even Joseph Smith History ! This is revisionist history.
Polygamy and Polyandry
What about Joseph Smiths practice of polygamy and polyandry ? If you visit the Church's official Joseph Smith site, they have a nice little romantic area detailing the relationship between Emma and Joseph. Isn't that sweet ? They completely leave out all the other women.
Read the sanitized version : http://josephsmith.net
Then read this : http://www.wivesofjosephsmith.org/
And even the Church's sponsored genealogy website has them all listed.
http://www.familysearch.org/Eng/Search/AF/individual_record.asp?recid=7762167
Why hide it or not talk about it ? Would you let your 14 year old daughter marry the prophet ? How about letting him marry your wife ? Oh yes, there are historical documents and references to back that up too. I'll leave the exercise of finding them on the net up to the reader.
Reaching Some Conclusions
By this time my picture of Joseph Smith is changing in my head. I read about his treasure hunting, of which he was briefly on trial for a little before his "translating" the BoM (on record). The face in the hat thing, which is spoken of by a witness and also recorded in a Church publication. Ever wonder why all the witnesses to the BoM left the church ?
So if JS didn't really translate the BoA, then it stands to reason he really didn't translate the BoM either. If you can't believe he was a prophet, the rest just falls apart.
Changes to the Book of Mormon
How about changes to the original BoM after it was first published ? And these are not just grammatical or syntax changes like the Church tries to make you think. Here is just one link of hundreds I found that analyze these changes.
http://www.saintsalive.com/mormonism/bomchanges.htm
I can point out many other ways the Church has altered or whitewashed some of its own history, but anyone who can use Google can find it all there.
The Temple and Freemasonry
Regarding the temple. Didn't you guys feel silly or weird wearing those aprons and funny caps ? And the secret handshakes ! I've never been to the temple, so I can't speak from personal experience but I've read enough about it from different places that are consistent enough for me to believe what I've read. I've even spoken to family members about it.
Why don't you get taught about whats going on in there until you are actually there ? Why ? Because its frigging weird and completely different from the rest of the Church dogma. Did you know JS stole the entire first Endowment ceremony from Freemasonry ? There are even more things I found documenting this. Even the handshakes are the same. What about how the ceremony has been changed over the years, including the Blood Oaths being removed in 1990 ? Gee I wonder why they did that. It probably freaked out some converts. Shoot, it would freak me out if I wasn't expecting it.
Garments have freemasonry symbols on them, and even the exteriors of many temples have freemasonry symbols on them. Some would argue that freemasonry is a throwback to the old testament temple ceremony, but there is no historical evidence to support freemasonry existing any earlier then the 1400s. Then there is the fact that JS became a Freemason very shortly before he created the Endowment ceremony. This is also recorded in many places.
Some links:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freemasonry_and_the_Latter_Day_Saint_movement
http://www.irr.org/mit/masonry.html
DNA versus the Book of Mormon
How about the DNA evidence that proves there is absolutely no link between American Indians and Hebrews ? They came over the land bridge from Asia. I don't buy that Limited Geography Theory. That theory is pretty lame, especially considering what past prophets and general authorities have spoken about regarding the Lamanites, even JS himself, throughout Church history. And how about that recent BoM introduction change :
http://www.sltrib.com/ci_7403990
Why try and do that on the sly ? Shouldn't the General Authorities say something to the members, rather then let the critics go crazy with it first ? Sneaky..... Didn't our prophet say in that 60 minute interview that the DNA evidence is just speculation and he had never heard of it before ? Seems like that change to the text is admitting its more then speculation.
Translation Errors from the King James Bible are in the Book of Mormon
Just a tidbit I thought I would also add. JS plagiarized large sections of the King James Translation of the Bible. You can see an analysis of this here. I thought he was a prophet and was supposed to have gotten those excerpts from the "golden plates" ?
A great wikipedia article can be found here.
More Conclusions
By this time in my research I've got a mountain of truths that are completely overwhelming my beliefs. And no, I'm not going to go and pray about it more, or read the scriptures some more or
It seems obvious to me that the Church has done a fantastic job of omitting unpleasant history and whitewashing other aspects of it. With what I know now, it is impossible for me to remain a member without completely feeling like a hypocrite in my mind every second I'm sitting in Church on Sunday.
For My Friends and Family
I know some of you reading this may already have done research like this, and already have this conflict in your heart and mind. Many of you probably don't want to rock the boat and risk losing approval of family members. Sometimes when a person goes through the process I have, they present the case to their spouses, and sometimes marriages end in divorce. Children and parents or other family can ostracize you. Interesting how people who claim to be members of God's Church on the earth can act toward their own family. I've read story after sad story.
I've read many exit stories from former members who had their entire lives disrupted because of their leaving. Do you think these people wanted to have all that heartache and pain ? Wouldn't it be easier to just pretend and keep going to Church ? Maybe. Some do. Some of you also have far more emotionally invested in the Church then me. I never went on a mission, and I never attended the temple with my wife.
Some of you may think this is why I'm leaving, that I never truly had a testimony. No ad hominem attacks please. You can't erase all the truth I'm pointing out by attacking flaws in my character.
Fortunately for me, my wife was never a religious person and only attended because of me. Also, my parents and siblings are all inactive. They could care less if I attend Church. I know others are not so lucky. My exit will still be unpleasant. I know some of you reading this may never want to speak to me again, and this saddens me, but I have to accept the bad with the good in all this.
I used to give guitar lessons to members, and even had a great time playing in a Church rock band. I would love to continue these activities but my leaving the Church will have a large impact on these things and I know I can never participate in anything with members the same way. I don't want to force anyone to feel uncomfortable around me.
My Spirituality
Now that I've left, I feel so happy. Its like a great weight has been lifted from me. For the first time in my life I feel like I can progress spiritually. Can you believe it ? I actually feel MORE spiritual now then I did in the Church. I've been reading philosophy and religious books like crazy since then and I'm soaking it all up. Its amazing. So many new thoughts for me to process now. Anything is possible. The Church literally had me by the spiritual balls. It puts a cap on your spiritual progress. You are confined to a box. Its hard to see it when you're in it, but its there.
Ever have that nagging sensation in the back of your head when attending Church that something is not quite right? Why shouldn't you be more happy here ? Why don't you feel as fulfilled as you are supposed to when following all the rules ? Is it something I'm doing wrong ? Am I not reading enough scripture ? Not praying enough ? Did I pay enough tithing this year ? Sound familiar ? You have reached your spiritual ceiling in the Church. All that is left, is attending meeting after meeting to hear the same thing over and over. Some of you find fulfillment in your callings, and thats good. Service to others is the most important thing in this life, and in this the Church excels. Service is an extension of your love for others.
Persuasion
I'm sure some of you will wish to talk to me, or even try to persuade me. Please don't just bear your testimony to me and expect me to do a 180. If you want to persuade me, you need to show me how JS translated a Book of Breathing for a guy named Hor into the Book of Abraham. You need to prove to me that JS didn't force other men's wives to marry him. You need to show me archaeological evidence that supports the Book of Mormon. In contrast, there is a ton of archaeological evidence to support the Bible.
In short, you probably need to read some of what I've read, and make some of the same journey as I did to truly understand my mind enough to have a conversation about this.
In Closing
I can probably write many pages more analyzing other things I've found. Brigham Young and his Adam-God theory, contradictory statements from prophets, racism, etc. I've said enough so you know my mind. I encourage any Mormons reading this to do their research. The Church wants you to invest a lot of your time and money into it. It is your responsibility to do your due diligence and make sure you really know.
I love you all and wish you the best in your lives.
