The Feeling

Lately I've talked with a lot of my Mormon friends since I stopped going to church. They all know about my reasons. Some of them have even read and researched all the same stuff I have. They still always fall back on the "warm fuzzy" feeling they got which somehow invalidates truth and fact and causes them to keep believing. Its amazing to me.

I want to keep pointing out the fact that so many followers of so many religions have that same exact feeling, which is what drives them to keep their faith too. So what about them ? What about those guys who strap on the bomb and kill themselves all in the name of their own God and faith ? In my opinion, most of religion is like this, and Mormons are no exception. They just have varying degrees of extremism.

Don't all you Mormons get all upset now and think I'm directly comparing you to a suicide bomber, I'm not. What I'm saying is 1+1 != 3.

Who Are The Lamanites ?

Here is an excellent PDF detailing a lot of great information about the Church's stand on who the Lamanites are versus the current scientific opinion of the origins of the Native Americans.

It might sound controversial, but you can see how the Church really has said for years the Lamanites were the ancestors of the Native Americans. Even quotes from the Book of Mormon are used. I just don't see how Mormons can spin this in their minds, seriously. For me to believe in the BoM I would need to have a serious case of denial.

http://www.mediafire.com/?eqwjsjf3vxx

Critisism Of Mormonism

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Criticism_of_Mormonism

So I ran across this link today while doing some research. Lots of stuff I've already blogged about is in this article.

Some areas I have not discussed: suppression of dissent, credibility of the witnesses, and failed prophecies.

Paying Money To Get Into Heaven

Would you pay money to get into the highest levels of heaven ? Well, in Mormonism, thats exactly what you are doing. Its strange I never thought of it this way until I actually stopped paying tithing. Let me explain.

I had been a regular tithing payer for several years, and I even scolded my wife whenever she would suggest we reduce our payments. I was a TBM (True Believing Mormon). I had fear that I would lose financial blessings in my life if I didn't pay it. Members would often joke and call tithing "fire insurance" to keep us from being burned on the 2nd coming. Ha ha.

Now that I think about it, all of my motivation for paying tithing was based on fear and not charity. Fear seems to be a common motivator in the Mormon religion as I've come to understand since leaving it.

Let me break it down for you. In order to achieve the highest level of heaven in the Mormon religion, you must have certain ordinances or rituals performed for you. These are called the "saving ordinances." To recap, they are :

1) Baptism (age 8)
2) Confirmation and reception of the Gift of the Holy Ghost
3) Ordination to the Aaronic and Melchizedek priesthoods (for males only)
4) Endowment
5) Marriage and sealing to a spouse
6) Sealing to parents

And here is the problem: you must get a temple recommend to perform 4, 5 and 6. In order to get a temple recommend, you must prove to your local ward leaders (Bishop and Stake President) that you are a "full" tithing payer. This means you cannot get the saving ordinances to reach the highest level of heaven unless you pay the church 10 percent of your GROSS income.

During the middle ages priests of the Church at that time would take payments of money to forgive their members of their sins. If you were rich, you could pay a priest and get a ticket into heaven. This is EXACTLY what the Mormon church is doing. The temple recommend is the ticket. Receiving the saving ordinances should not be based on your monetary contribution to the Church. I can understand the other rules for getting one, obeying the law of chastity and all that other good stuff, but paying money ? Common!

It gets worse, in Utah, Mormon Senator Orrin Hatch passed legislation that allowed members to pay a full tithe even while they were in bankruptcy court.

Mormons are told: "if a destitute family is faced with the decision of paying their tithing or eating, they should pay their tithing." (Lynn Robbins, General Conference, April 2005).

So, it is taught that at all costs, make sure we get our money, and if you don't pay, you're not getting into heaven. This might not be so bad except that the Church never discloses its financial information or where it invests its money and resources. This doesn't stop information from getting out though. Thanks to the internet, we can find out that the Church is in fact investing close to 1 billion dollars on a mall rejuvenation project in downtown Salt Lake City, then not long after they decided to CUT the food budgets of their missionaries from $145 per month to $130. The poor missionaries have a hard enough time as it is ! And they are wasting billions on other things that according to Church doctrine are not as important as missionary work !

In Jan. 2006, from the Church PR department, (Deseret News Publishing Company): Edgley said, “that since 1984, the LDS Church has donated nearly $750 million in cash and goods to people in need in more than 150 countries.” That averages to 37.5 million per year or about $3-$4 per Mormon member went to the poor. The total of $750 million in 22 years spent in cash in goods to people in need is only HALF what the church is spending on these malls. Only Half!! The Mormon church is spending less than 1% of its income to help the poor. Is the Mormon church really a charitable organization?
(credit to Infymus from exmormon.org forums for this data)

And finally, according to the Church you must pay tithing because it is a commandment. I think I would rather buy real fire insurance.

I don't suppose there is a chance of getting my tithing refunded ? Maybe a dividend from profits the Church has made with it ? Oh well.

http://www.mormoncurtain.com/topic_tithing.html

The Word of Wisdom

Some church historians believe that the timing of the Word of Wisdom revelation is interesting in its historical context because at the time there was a great Temperance Movement in America.

Some interesting links:

http://www.utlm.org/onlinebooks/changech18.htm
http://www.mormoncurtain.com/topic_wordofwisdom.html

Given that we now know there are medical benefits to drinking moderate amounts of coffee and even red wine shouldn't the Church revisit this issue ? Especially in light of the fact that caffeinated sodas or other cold beverages are not specifically prohibited by the Church. Does God really care what temperature my caffeine is ?

http://men.webmd.com/features/coffee-new-health-food
http://www.ynhh.org/online/nutrition/advisor/red_wine.html

I remember when I attended Seminary class in high school (and I graduated, all 4 years) that we were taught that Jesus turned the water into grape juice, not wine. I heard this not from not just one teacher, so it must have been some kind of Church culture based myth or explanation. Why make up stupid crap like this ? The new testament says WINE not GRAPE JUICE ! It was a wedding, and they drank alcohol. Not to mention the fact that alcohol content in wine back then was probably higher. This is just another reason to take anything you learn in Church with a grain of salt. If Jesus could have a little wine, why can't we ?

Journal of Discourses

Interesting things said by early prophets of the Church. Reading these will definitely shake the testimonies of some members. You have been warned.

http://www.journalofdiscourses.org/

My favorite one is where Brigham tells us that Adam, the first man was in fact God Himself.

http://journalofdiscourses.org/Vol_01/refJDvol1-10.html

Midway through this page you can see the "African" racist passage.

http://www.journalofdiscourses.org/Vol_10/refJDvol10-24.html

And down near the bottom here you can read about how blacks will only be able to receive the priesthood after their resurrection.

http://journalofdiscourses.org/Vol_02/refJDvol2-27.html

So basically, in Declaration 2 Spencer Kimball lied when he claimed that past prophets taught that at some time the ban would be lifted and that God, by revelation, had shown him that the day has come. In fact we see this is not the case. The official Church stand up until 1978 has always been what Brigham Young said.

You can see another explanation of this here.

More links :
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negro_doctrine
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adam-God_theory
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_atonement

The Church likes to put a disclaimer on these papers, since some of the content can obviously cause controversy. They want you to think there are errors in the transcribing, and that at the time when these documents were recorded the Church was being heavily persecuted and driven West which somehow excuses some outrageous statements. General Authorities also claim that some of the doctrinal discussions are speculative in nature. But aren't many of these documents from talks given by so called prophets of the Church ?

So is it acceptable to take other revelations from the time as gospel, but not others that just happen to be controversial ? You can't have your cake and eat it too. You can read this Church priesthood manual and see many references to the JoD in it.

http://www.lds.org/gospellibrary/materials/teachBY/Start_Here.pdf

Finally, the apologist view of the racism issue. In his conclusion he says to spin it as best you can and hope people don't dig too deep and find out things like the Journal of Discourses. He actually instructs members to offer the explanation that "We don't know." Once again, just bury your head in the sand and it will go away, right ?

http://www.fairlds.org/FAIR_Conferences/2003_LDS_Church_and_the_Race_Issue.html

And finally, a funny one, people living on the Moon and Sun !

http://journalofdiscourses.org/Vol_13/JD13-268.html

That Brigham Young, such a kidder.

Limited Geography Theory

The LGT (Limited Geography Theory) will now become the ILT (Invisible Lamanite Theory).

For those of you who don't know, the LGT is the LDS Church's apologist explanation for the complete lack of any DNA and archaeological evidence for the Book of Mormon.

http://dsc.discovery.com/news/2007/11/27/native-america-siberia.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limited_geography_model_(Book_of_Mormon)

(credit to Bear from the postmormon.org forums)

A Member Explains Why Members Leave

I listened to this and thought it was pretty good. I especially love the way he says "none of these are deal breakers" then proceeds to lay out a mountain of evidence that the Church has basically deceived its members. So thats not a "deal breaker" ?

http://mormonstories.org/whytheyleave/

(credit to BishopRic from the postmormon.org forums)

Leaving the Church

Why I'm Leaving Mormonism

Introduction

If you're reading this its because you want to understand why I'm leaving the fold. A lot of what I'm going to say in this document is considered heresy by the Mormon church. Having said that, if you really really want to know, keep reading. Otherwise if you're comfortable being a Mormon, and have no issues or confusions whatsoever with Church history or doctrine, maybe you should not read anymore. It might make you start questioning many things you think you know about your faith.

Understand that I write this from my heart and I have no intention of offending anyone, especially many of the Mormon friends I have made in the last few years. Even if I decide to never set foot in a Mormon Church again the rest of my life, that does not make me a person that dislikes Mormons. I love the friends I've made, and will always be friendly towards Mormons. They are some of the nicest and kindest people I've ever met in this world. Understand that I have not "lost" my testimony. I'm not leaving the Church because I'm a bad person, or committed some sin, or somebody offended me.

On Feelings

How often do you hear in church "I know the church is true" or "I know Joseph Smith was a prophet" etc etc ? Why do Mormons believe in their faith and Church so strongly ? The missionaries teach that you pray to know the truth, and you receive a burning in your bosom. I myself received this same feeling when I first read the Book of Mormon (henceforth to be referred to as BoM in this document). I too once thought that I knew the Church was true. I wanted to believe in an eternal life, and a family forever, and all the other wonderful stuff that Mormonism packages so well. It presents you all the answers to life. In Mormonism there is no need to question anything, you just know. I submit to you the reader that this is a false and incorrect way to know anything. Knowledge is not gained by faith or a warm fuzzy feeling. As Plato once said, true knowledge is a subset of that which is both true and believed.

In the Church, we really don't know, we believe. Those are two very different things. What should be said in fast and testimony meeting is "We believe the church is true" but you never hear that. Where does this word know come from ? I personally believe this is from the indoctrination that members of the Church have been subjected to since they were first members, or since they were raised in the church as impressionable children. I remember from a very young age being surrounded at church by people who know. When it is repeatedly drilled into your head eventually you're going to come around to that way of thinking, it is a technique used in many cultures and religions to influence a persons thinking. Call it brainwashing if you will, or maybe you would rather call it Sunday School instead ? Or Seminary, or any other number of things that have been a part of my life from the Church and have influenced my thinking. As little children we don't really have a testimony right ? We are leaning on the testimonies of others around us. Eventually we are supposed to gain our own, but what if your perception of gaining your own testimony is really just the result of this indoctrination ?

And what about that burning in the bosom ? This is supposed to be the manifestation of the Holy Ghost testifying to you. Mormons are the only true church on the Earth right ? That means that the Holy Ghost will only manifest to people when they ask about joining our Church right ? What about all the other countless religions in the world full of members who will stand before you and testify of the truth of their religion with tear streaked faces who think they know and will tell you about their identical "burning in the bosom" feeling. Can you dismiss them ? Is Satan giving them this feeling ? Or is it, as the Church refers to it, The Light Of Christ. Nice that, an excuse to trivialize the feelings of others. Its just the Light of Christ. Can you measure it ? How do you know the difference ? Is it because you were dunked in water ? I submit to the reader, that this is your own mind, creating these wonderful feelings to confirm your already preexisting bias. I can feel the Holy Ghost when I see the last scene of The Matrix, or the scene from Lord Of The Rings when the King is reunited with his Elvish lover. It feels the same.

Still with me ? If you've read this far thats great. A lot of what I've said so far is opinion and speculation. After this I will present some facts for the reader to examine.

Conflict of the Mind

When a persons brain is presented with truth or fact that contradicts their beliefs strange things start happening. Many describe this experience as cognitive dissonance. Its really really hard to believe Joseph Smith was a prophet when presented with a mountain of evidence contrary to that belief. This is what happened to me. I found truth and it warred in my brain with my beliefs. Finally I had to accept these truths in order to come to a true knowledge. Others may come to a different conclusion, and thats fine, my intention is not to persuade, but to help you understand my experience.

The Book of Abraham

My journey to apostasy started when I inadvertently watched a documentary about the Book Of Abraham (henceforth to be referred to as BoA in this document). I saw it on an online documentary website, and thought it sounded cool. After all, the Book Of Abraham is a very important piece of Mormon scripture.

You can watch it here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcyzkd_m6KE.

And there is a great essay here http://www.irr.org/mit/Books/BHOH/bhoh1.html

Wikipedia entry here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Book_of_Abraham

If you are afraid to watch it, or dismiss it outright, thats too bad. If Mormonism is true, then shouldn't it stand up to criticism ? Overcoming criticism should give you even more faith. Being objective is probably one of the hardest things for a Mormon, speaking from personal experience. After all, we know everything already right ?

After watching this movie, which basically made Joseph Smith look like a fraud, my brain was a bit shocked. This film presented the evidence in a very unbiased neutral way as any scientific documentary should. It didn't feel anti-Mormon to me at all.

Of course I immediately thought this was the intention, those anti-Mormons must have just pulled off a great piece of propaganda and fooled even me! This didn't stop the nagging sensation in my brain though. So I went to Google. Oh my ! Just Google Mormonism sometime and get a big shock. I've never tried it before. SO MUCH INFORMATION.

Naturally there are tons of anti-Mormon things on the internet, but you can't dismiss all of it. There is a lot that is not anti at all and very well presented. Truth is truth. I found even more evidence of the BoA being a fraud, and that the Church managed to get the original scrolls and had their own independent studies done on them with the same conclusions. It was a book of breathing for some dead Egyptian dude named Hor. The Church did its best to spin this after the results came out during the late 1960's. For the most part they did a decent job of damage control, but mostly they just tried to ignore the evidence. Too bad the internet didn't exist back then.

Excuses are like faces.....

Enter the apologists. Those people who are usually members of the Church and already have their conclusion formed before even presenting their case (not very scientific). Trust me I've read a lot of apologist essays and writings over the last several months, and none of it persuaded me. Speculation, opinion, and grasping at straws is what it all looked like to me. I'm sure it works to persuade some faltering members as it was intended to.

Here are a couple of the places I went to get the Church's response to almost any criticism :

http://fairlds.org/
http://farms.byu.edu/

They try, they really do, but I'm only getting started. There is more, a lot more. I found all kinds of things.

The First Vision

Did you know that the First Vision really had many different versions?

http://www.irr.org/mit/First-Vision-Accounts.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Vision

Thats only one link, I found a lot more and whats really damaging is the references are pulled from official Church publications and even Joseph Smith History ! This is revisionist history.


Polygamy and Polyandry

What about Joseph Smiths practice of polygamy and polyandry ? If you visit the Church's official Joseph Smith site, they have a nice little romantic area detailing the relationship between Emma and Joseph. Isn't that sweet ? They completely leave out all the other women.

Read the sanitized version : http://josephsmith.net

Then read this : http://www.wivesofjosephsmith.org/

And even the Church's sponsored genealogy website has them all listed.

http://www.familysearch.org/Eng/Search/AF/individual_record.asp?recid=7762167

Why hide it or not talk about it ? Would you let your 14 year old daughter marry the prophet ? How about letting him marry your wife ? Oh yes, there are historical documents and references to back that up too. I'll leave the exercise of finding them on the net up to the reader.

Reaching Some Conclusions

By this time my picture of Joseph Smith is changing in my head. I read about his treasure hunting, of which he was briefly on trial for a little before his "translating" the BoM (on record). The face in the hat thing, which is spoken of by a witness and also recorded in a Church publication. Ever wonder why all the witnesses to the BoM left the church ?

So if JS didn't really translate the BoA, then it stands to reason he really didn't translate the BoM either. If you can't believe he was a prophet, the rest just falls apart.

Changes to the Book of Mormon

How about changes to the original BoM after it was first published ? And these are not just grammatical or syntax changes like the Church tries to make you think. Here is just one link of hundreds I found that analyze these changes.

http://www.saintsalive.com/mormonism/bomchanges.htm

I can point out many other ways the Church has altered or whitewashed some of its own history, but anyone who can use Google can find it all there.

The Temple and Freemasonry

Regarding the temple. Didn't you guys feel silly or weird wearing those aprons and funny caps ? And the secret handshakes ! I've never been to the temple, so I can't speak from personal experience but I've read enough about it from different places that are consistent enough for me to believe what I've read. I've even spoken to family members about it.

Why don't you get taught about whats going on in there until you are actually there ? Why ? Because its frigging weird and completely different from the rest of the Church dogma. Did you know JS stole the entire first Endowment ceremony from Freemasonry ? There are even more things I found documenting this. Even the handshakes are the same. What about how the ceremony has been changed over the years, including the Blood Oaths being removed in 1990 ? Gee I wonder why they did that. It probably freaked out some converts. Shoot, it would freak me out if I wasn't expecting it.

Garments have freemasonry symbols on them, and even the exteriors of many temples have freemasonry symbols on them. Some would argue that freemasonry is a throwback to the old testament temple ceremony, but there is no historical evidence to support freemasonry existing any earlier then the 1400s. Then there is the fact that JS became a Freemason very shortly before he created the Endowment ceremony. This is also recorded in many places.

Some links:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freemasonry_and_the_Latter_Day_Saint_movement
http://www.irr.org/mit/masonry.html

DNA versus the Book of Mormon

How about the DNA evidence that proves there is absolutely no link between American Indians and Hebrews ? They came over the land bridge from Asia. I don't buy that Limited Geography Theory. That theory is pretty lame, especially considering what past prophets and general authorities have spoken about regarding the Lamanites, even JS himself, throughout Church history. And how about that recent BoM introduction change :

http://www.sltrib.com/ci_7403990

Why try and do that on the sly ? Shouldn't the General Authorities say something to the members, rather then let the critics go crazy with it first ? Sneaky..... Didn't our prophet say in that 60 minute interview that the DNA evidence is just speculation and he had never heard of it before ? Seems like that change to the text is admitting its more then speculation.

Translation Errors from the King James Bible are in the Book of Mormon

Just a tidbit I thought I would also add. JS plagiarized large sections of the King James Translation of the Bible. You can see an analysis of this here. I thought he was a prophet and was supposed to have gotten those excerpts from the "golden plates" ?

A great wikipedia article can be found here.


More Conclusions

By this time in my research I've got a mountain of truths that are completely overwhelming my beliefs. And no, I'm not going to go and pray about it more, or read the scriptures some more or (insert Church member's spiritual enhancing exercise of choice). A warm fuzzy feeling in my heart is not going to override my brain, and well it shouldn't. God gave us a mind to use, not throw away. The Church discourages you doing this kind of research I've been doing, because they know you may have the same thoughts. Faith should lead you to truth, not hide you from it.

It seems obvious to me that the Church has done a fantastic job of omitting unpleasant history and whitewashing other aspects of it. With what I know now, it is impossible for me to remain a member without completely feeling like a hypocrite in my mind every second I'm sitting in Church on Sunday.

For My Friends and Family

I know some of you reading this may already have done research like this, and already have this conflict in your heart and mind. Many of you probably don't want to rock the boat and risk losing approval of family members. Sometimes when a person goes through the process I have, they present the case to their spouses, and sometimes marriages end in divorce. Children and parents or other family can ostracize you. Interesting how people who claim to be members of God's Church on the earth can act toward their own family. I've read story after sad story.

I've read many exit stories from former members who had their entire lives disrupted because of their leaving. Do you think these people wanted to have all that heartache and pain ? Wouldn't it be easier to just pretend and keep going to Church ? Maybe. Some do. Some of you also have far more emotionally invested in the Church then me. I never went on a mission, and I never attended the temple with my wife.

Some of you may think this is why I'm leaving, that I never truly had a testimony. No ad hominem attacks please. You can't erase all the truth I'm pointing out by attacking flaws in my character.

Fortunately for me, my wife was never a religious person and only attended because of me. Also, my parents and siblings are all inactive. They could care less if I attend Church. I know others are not so lucky. My exit will still be unpleasant. I know some of you reading this may never want to speak to me again, and this saddens me, but I have to accept the bad with the good in all this.

I used to give guitar lessons to members, and even had a great time playing in a Church rock band. I would love to continue these activities but my leaving the Church will have a large impact on these things and I know I can never participate in anything with members the same way. I don't want to force anyone to feel uncomfortable around me.

My Spirituality

Now that I've left, I feel so happy. Its like a great weight has been lifted from me. For the first time in my life I feel like I can progress spiritually. Can you believe it ? I actually feel MORE spiritual now then I did in the Church. I've been reading philosophy and religious books like crazy since then and I'm soaking it all up. Its amazing. So many new thoughts for me to process now. Anything is possible. The Church literally had me by the spiritual balls. It puts a cap on your spiritual progress. You are confined to a box. Its hard to see it when you're in it, but its there.

Ever have that nagging sensation in the back of your head when attending Church that something is not quite right? Why shouldn't you be more happy here ? Why don't you feel as fulfilled as you are supposed to when following all the rules ? Is it something I'm doing wrong ? Am I not reading enough scripture ? Not praying enough ? Did I pay enough tithing this year ? Sound familiar ? You have reached your spiritual ceiling in the Church. All that is left, is attending meeting after meeting to hear the same thing over and over. Some of you find fulfillment in your callings, and thats good. Service to others is the most important thing in this life, and in this the Church excels. Service is an extension of your love for others.

Persuasion

I'm sure some of you will wish to talk to me, or even try to persuade me. Please don't just bear your testimony to me and expect me to do a 180. If you want to persuade me, you need to show me how JS translated a Book of Breathing for a guy named Hor into the Book of Abraham. You need to prove to me that JS didn't force other men's wives to marry him. You need to show me archaeological evidence that supports the Book of Mormon. In contrast, there is a ton of archaeological evidence to support the Bible.

In short, you probably need to read some of what I've read, and make some of the same journey as I did to truly understand my mind enough to have a conversation about this.

In Closing

I can probably write many pages more analyzing other things I've found. Brigham Young and his Adam-God theory, contradictory statements from prophets, racism, etc. I've said enough so you know my mind. I encourage any Mormons reading this to do their research. The Church wants you to invest a lot of your time and money into it. It is your responsibility to do your due diligence and make sure you really know.

I love you all and wish you the best in your lives.